i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
