we have officially lost it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
