Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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