Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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