So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
