Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
