if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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