There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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