im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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