worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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