im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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