Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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