2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He felt like a one man threesome
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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