I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
