I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
