I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if only i could text you this smell
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
