why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
