i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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