guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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