I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
