So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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