We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Terrible idea I love it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
