Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
