How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
