For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i out mim tonsoeep
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
