Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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