i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I looked at my own cervix.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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