Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
