she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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