week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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