dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
