3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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