My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
