I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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