Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
MIDGETS
????
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
