The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
