When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
