last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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