I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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