my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
