Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
