Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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