you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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