Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
