Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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