omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have fence marks all over my body
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
