one word: firstdatebathroomanal
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
