My room smells like vodka and shame
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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