I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
