Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
